starting afresh
Apparently this is going to be my “actual serious blog”.
So, to set some “standards”. some “ground rules”.
Less whining, more writing, more positive thoughts, more ideas and more thoughts on my “future”.
I shall call the love of my life “TDV” and refer to anyone else by their initials.
Let’s begin:
Is it weird that I actually want to be sent off into a warzone, to take photos?
The idea thrills me, fascinates me.
I know it’s dangerous. I know it’s pretty crazy as well.
But it’s something that I have always wanted to do.
More the photographic side of the “war journo” … I tell my stories much more eloquently in images, than writing… but i’m willing to try add some words to things… see where it takes me.
Being embedded with a military unit is not totally unheard of for a woman - there are a few of them out there (so I discovered the other day, thanks to BR) - and while it’s probably not an option right now for me (and the US Military would not allow me to “embed” with TDV’s unit, or anywhere near him) as I have other things I need to deal with first… BR says it’s definitely an option for a year or so. Maybe when TDV gets back from Afghanistan? So that he doesn’t have to “worry” about me, being out there in danger, with another unit… and so that he can focus on himself and keep himself safe. So… when he’s home… and doesn’t have to worry about the bad guys, for himself anyway, then perhaps I can go.
BR was also telling me that he could help me get involved with the PR/MassComm on a post - as photographer/writer/etc … that would rock. Would be just as fun for me too.
Mostly I just really would love to stay true to my passion in life - photography.
It’s what I _am_… even more than what I _do_ …
It defines me, the way I see things.
It has helped me be independant, and my own boss, for going on 4 years now…
But I need a change in direction, photographically…
The equestrian side of things is pretty much SSDD… and when it no longer excites me, then I know it’s time to move on…
And, sorry to say, show photos just no longer make me excited to get up in the morning.
The commission and personal touch side of things - for SURE.
But shows… erg… same shot, same jump, different horse, different day.
Really is boring me now.
There’s no challenge in it… and I’ve discovered that I actually _do_ like to be challenged…
I never thought I would think that of myself… I’ve always been such a “play by the rules, don’t step on anyones toes” kind of girl… monotony… schedules…. routines… they all kept me “safe” before. Kept my fragile little mind together. Of course that’s because I bottled everything up so much, and was PETRIFIED of change.
Look at me now!!
I’m selling my soul to go see the man I love - and I _know_ he’s worth every penny that I’ve gone into debt!
I’ve tried new things - stepped out of the horsey world, and discovered that I actually _enjoy_ other things!
Can you imagine?
My future _is_ bright, and it fills me with enthusiasm, and anticipation and excitement…
It’s not going to be all smooth sailing, that’s for sure… there’s some hard slog ahead for me… but I know that I can do it. I am _strong_. And I have TDV. And he believes in me.
